Just A Feeling,

Hello mellow sorry I'd been posting just skhfkidsjbvjadsnlf stuffs other than those actual real 'life' posts on this blog haha, sorry!

Alrighties yesterday and today were kinda alright I must say. Cuz there were nothing much to do each day lately. It's just these few things that I'd do every day: Texting, Going nearby places out for brunch/lunch, Helping my sister, Doing chores with my mommy, Eating, Watching teevee, KOI, YAMI, Facebooking, Tweeting, Tumbling, etc.

Boring life yeah pfft whatever haha :) I'm lovin' it, although a little outing or some small gatherings or lunch/dinner out together with friends would be nice keke.

Anyhoo spent hours texting dear these few days. This stubborn sweet pigu of mine is silly. :) Silly-sweet. Love love love.

Texted papa last night. Hope you're alright, though I really can't help much. What a failure right ): But nah ignore me.

And sometimes when I'm doing some random stuffs - like bathing - I would start to think and reminisce a little. And y'know what, I'm a weirdo. I'm a weirdo cuz I feel that I really did change a lot from the beginning right? If not, why would silly fights and quarrels start happening then?

If only I didn't reacted those ways those times. If only I controlled myself, my emotions, my everything, at those times. If only I just stayed silent and not give any comments or suggestions or thoughts at those times. If only I just die. If only all 'if only's happened. If only..

Yeah that's right, I found the answer - I'm weird and troublematic and super nostalgic. Fuckmylife much. Ever wondered why things have to change that much, that fast? It sucks. FML. If only things were as awesome as the past. The 'past', the 'past' yeah.

Why can't 'the past' be like our 'present' and 'future'?

I'm sorry if I've hurt you and your feelings (well obviously I must have done, if not we wouldn't be like this now) but I really didn't know wth I was doing/thinking at those times. I'm sorry, I really am.

I could risk everything just for things to be right again, would you? Because if you would, if you're willing to, if you want, it could really happen. So are you up for it? - crosses fingers -

Forget you? Not. Hah never as easy as it may sounds like. But I guess you forgetting me would be easy.. God if only I hadn't exist.

All I ever want is just for things to go back to normal again, is it possible God? ):

K, sorry dear and loves, but I guess I have to be negative about myself for now now. I hate myself for existing. If I hadn't exist, things would be great and smooth for many people, right? Well of course it's right. If I hadn't exist, people will be leading good lives and have no troubles and problems. So you see, if only I just died or never exist..