You Don't Know,

I just read the post on 4 aug although it's like what 14 aug now. And great, my mood dropped to zero now. But I hope it won't last long.

You don't know. Whatever you mentioned wasn't it at all. It wasn't about that or her. Well yeah maybe a little about her but the others aren't. And the look; it wasn't the look you gave me when I kept pointing at the screen like a mad woman, it was the look I saw when you rolled your eyes on me when you sank into the chair that time.

And when I rolled my eyes, it's never because of the IT thing, the teacher, you or her. It's because of me.

I WAS NEVER AGAINST THE TEACHER OKAY. In fact I was being hated for instance by the others for helping the teacher to say good stuffs okay wth. I helped both the class and the teacher but in the end? Being hated at and wtf-ed. Fine, I control, I forget it.

It was never about the friendship that I was angry or pissed or sad or feel pathetic or frustrated about okay. Never. But now, I'm not so sure. 'Cause I never knew you thought of me like that.

I know when I said "I never knew you thought of me like that.", you would be like "whatthehell you thought of me like that too" or something like that right yeah. Yeah I know, but look, what I thought of you was of the stare you gave me that time. I always knew you were strong and all and sometimes you gave fucking awesome tips and 'big llife speeches or something' to me but sometimes I didn't say this that I actually find them hurtful because I think you'll think I'm weak and all.

I'm here to prove you by saying I'm not weak. I'm just not strong enough. I didn't tell you guys what's wrong because I don't want you guys to get the wrong idea of it. But just because I didn't tell yall, y'all started thinking of me as crazy, PMS-ful, attitude-problem-again or any other negative thoughts. I know. But it isn't okay fyi.

And through that, I realised her not being as close as how we were before. She used to know how to just come here and comfort me and all. She used to. She used to know just how to do it. But now I can't find it anymore. And that worsened my entire mood that time.

And HongYu, what about her? I find she's like the fucking closest to you okay. So stop saying she's closer to me okay yall.

You just don't understand what I'm going through. Because you aren't in my position. You were never in my position. WTF YOU RUINED MY MOOD HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSE TO STUDY NOW -,-

And what, you (or idk someone) start telling almost everyone around your seating area the FUCKING FALSE SIDE OF THE STORY THANK YOU VERY MUCH. What, you haven't kill and ruin my life enough huh.

I think her, Hongyu are the ones the fucking-closest to you okay. Since when it was me that was closest to Hongyu. You should know that you and gaga are the fucking-closest people on earth to her fyi. I mean c'mon, everyone knows that, okay maybe not everyone then.

Fyi btw the incident was never related to nchs people okay. So stop your fanciful imagination or something and spread and tell people the false side of the story can.

Fucking pissed off now thanks.

Oh I was the same as you. I can't believe I actually loved you and treated you as a good friend who actually knows my state well. But I guess not now right since you thought of me/my state like that. Thankyouverymuch.

I was just feeling and thinking that everything changed so much.

I was envious of her. Yes of course. Seeing her so fucking chio, pretty, nice, cute, smart, and all things good. Everyone wants to be her friend duh. That's why I feel replaced and used. She hates being alone. That's why I went away when you, ls, l, nx, or any other people went to her or she went to yall. I backed off. See my title of this blog? Yesh it says "I'll Back Off So You Can Live Better", that's practically my life - backing away.

[And even 'the one' I loved dearly and so freaking fucking much for so long can think I am her when I texted 'the one' with my phone. 'the one' said my writing style was like hers back then when I texted a message saying I was feeling very weak (in my heart hoping i would get a heartwarming reply w hearts or something to cheer me up but no, regrets) and I hate the feeling of being used and replaced. You know how it feels? Nah I don't think so because I doubt you were ever in that state before because I don't think you were in a r. So yeah don't think too much can.]

By the time you read this, I hope it will be fine and we are back loving each other as awesomely good friends again. Cause they say friends do fight and stuff like that. This aint a fight I suppose. Much more of a misunderstanding. I'm leaving this post till you read it and clear this fucking misunderstanding.

From the huge usuage of using vulgarities, you should know that I'm fucking pissed because I don't want us to be like that and I hate it when people just misunderstand me so fucking often.